Humor

Coach to Player (after substituting him for not playing defense during basketball game): You should play a sport where you only have to play offense.  Can you think of one? (Coach had football in mind).

Player: Chess.

 

Coach after entering a gated community to drop off a student-athlete at home: Քանի փողոց դարձանք: Վստահ չեմ եթէ կրնամ առանց կորսուելու վերադառնալ:
Player: That’s okay coach, “Ես քեզի կը շոյեմ:” (As in show)

 

Player:  Coach I heard you turned 50.  What year were you born?
Coach: 1968
Player: How? My dad was born in 1966 and he’s in his mid 40s!

 

Good, better, best.  Never let it rest. ‘Til your good is better and your better is best. – St. Jerome

 

Coach Varant to player: Sub for Marinor.
Player: Which Marinor?
Coach Varant: There is only one Marinor on the court!

 

Coach: If you wear a goggle, you can be the next James Worthy… but I don’t think you know who he is b/c you’re to young.
Player: Isn’t he the Prime Minister of England?

 

Coach Varant calls a player on the varsity girls team from the bleachers noticing that she is standing by the snack shop at Providence.
Coach Varant: Please get me a Keurig coffee.
Player: Okay baron.
Player walks up to the snack shop at Providence and says, “Do you have sister coffee?”

 

At the Tri-City Tournament, coach keeps telling his team to give bounce passes against a taller team which is playing zone defense. After instructing the point guard several times to throw bounce passes, the player throws 3 lob passes consecutively. Frustrated, coach subs her out. The replacement goes into the game and on 3 consecutive possessions throws bounce passes, all of which are stolen by the other team. When coach subs this player out, he criticizes her for throwing turnovers. The player responds, “But I was throwing bounce passes.”

 

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
— Winston Churchill

 

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” – Nelson Mandela

 

 

Անանուն 12րդ դասարանի աշակերտ մը — Պարոն, հայրիկս միշտ կ՛ըսէ, շունը հաւատարիմ կենդանի մըն է. բայց կատուն, կը խայթէ։

 

Vahan Derian Poem:

Ես անջատված եմ հայրենի հողից,
Հայրենի տունս՝ իմ սրտին օտար.
Ինձ այրում Է միշտ մի անհագ թախիծ,—
Հավիտյան դյութող անհայտ ճանապարհ…Հուզվում են, հոսում հեղեղները մեծ,
Մագլցում վերև և թավալվում ցած,
Զմրուխտե ջրեր, ձեզ ո՞վ վրդովեց,
Հայրենական տուն, հավետ մոռացված…Միևնույն է ինձ Հյուսիս թե Հարավ,—
Մի խենթ տագնապ կա իմ հիվանդ սրտում,
Կա իմ հոգու մեջ մի անհագ ծարավ.
— Հավիտյան օտար, հայրենակա՛ն տո՜ւն

 

 

If at first you don’t succeed, means you did it wrong. – Unknown

 

Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory. – Mahatma Gandhi

 

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. – Napoleon Hill

 

Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work. – Vince Lombardi

 

Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. – Winston Churchill

 

 

Coach to senior cross country athlete after a run – “You look so tired that I’m sure you’ve dropped some IQ points.  Your brain cells are all focused on taking in oxygen right now.  I’m sure you would not be able to do a simple math problem.”
Athlete – “Ha ha coach!”
Coach – “What’s 9 times 4?”
Athlete – “32.”

 

I know you’ve heard it a thousand times before. But it’s true – hard work pays off. If you want to be good, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you don’t love something, then don’t do it. – Author Ray Bradbury

 

I play to win, whether during practice or a real game. And I will not let anything get in the way of me and my competitive enthusiasm to win. – Michael Jordan

Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect. – Vince Lombardi

 

Մարզիչ — Շատ գէշ խաղցաք։  Այնքան գէշ որ սրտի… (մինչ կուրծքը կը բռնէ).
Աշակերտ-Մարզիկ – Գիտեմ Coach սրտի կասկած ունեցար։
Մարզիչ – Յուսայատած նայուածքով գլուխը կը շարծէ։
Աշակերտ-Մարզիկ – Չէ, չէ.  Սրտի արկած ունեցար։
(Full Refund Armenian)

 

Coach – I can’t wait for Euro 2012. I want either Holland or Portugal to win.
Student/Athlete – Me too.  I want Argentina.
(Refund for social studies courses).

 

Our problems can’t be solved by eliminating each and every outer cause. Nevertheless, people everywhere take this approach: “It’s the world’s fault; it’s too rough, too sharp, too alien. If I could get rid of these outer woes, I’d be happy.”  Shantideva says: If you want to protect your feet, wear shoes; and if you want to protect yourself from the world’s provocations, tame your mind. The antidote to misery is to stay present. – A quote from Pema Chodron

 

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain

 

“Artin Terterain made a 3-pointer with 3:45 remaining to get the Armens within 46-44.” – Daily News.  I guess Artin is an all terrain vehicle or Jesus can have any first name he wants 🙂

Coach Vicken thought he experienced a funny story.  Prior to posting, he shared it with Coaches Varant and Lena. They both said the story was not even remotely funny and so that joke is not posted here!

 

TRUE STORY
Basketball coach to player:  Why did you not throw the ball into the back court like I asked during the time out?
Player:  I’m left handed.  I couldn’t throw the ball that way

No, not the Armens Court…

 

Apple or Cherry???

On the van ride back from a losing effort after a basketball game…
Coach to Player – You made 2 out of 10 free throws today.  We lost by 2.  If you had made a few more, we could have won.
Player to Coach – But I made up for it in the field (i.e., referring to the baskets he scored during the game).
Coach in his own mind – But obviously not enough “making up” because we still lost by 2.

 

Coach to player during a van ride – What is your science fair project about?
Player – Plants and pigments.
Coach – So tell me more.
Player – I don’t know anything more.

 

Coach to player during a van ride – What is your science fair project about?
Player – Plants and pigments.
Coach – So tell me more.
Player – I don’t know anything more.

 

If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…   -Pema Chodron

 

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear.  -Pema Chodron

 

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.  -Pema Chodron

 

 

If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.  -Pema Chodron

 

While driving on Sherman Way going to an away game, one junior high player in the van mentioned, “I got կնքուեցայ at St. Peter’s.”  This was soon followed by others mentioning where they got կնքուեցան.

 

 

The difficult nature of making changes means that you will likely be putting in effort that will take you far beyond the point at which it is inspiring or fun. This junction is what I call “the grind,” which starts when actions necessary to produce meaningful change become stressful, tiring and tedious. The grind is also the point at which your efforts toward change really count. The grind is what separates those who are able to change from those who are not. Many people who reach this point in the process of change either ease up or give up because change is just too darned hard. But truly motivated people reach the grind and keep on going.    – Jim Taylor

 

If life give you lemons, you can make lemonade… only if you have sugar.  – Anonymous